A’s son R loves animatronics, storytelling, and all things spooky. He’s funny and curious, and everyone he meets notices his big imagination. This 6-year-old, who is autistic and has fine motor skills and communication delays, has even started making his own books. And, while R’s creativity can’t be missed, he also tends toward “rigid thinking.” He makes rules to be followed and gets frustrated and even aggressive when they aren’t.
A is also neurodivergent and similarly found school hard, so she’s determined to get R the support he needs. At home, the family works on flexible thinking while honoring R’s need for structure and routine.
“Sometimes we understand [R’s] rules, and sometimes we don’t, but it can make day-to-day life really hard for him, especially at school,” says A.
In preschool, R received speech and occupational therapy (OT) through the county Education Service District (ESD). He did well with a neuro-affirming teacher, one who accepted how his brain works, in a play-based classroom where kids lead. But A was nervous about sending R to a more structured kindergarten, and the meeting to plan that move felt confusing.
“I didn’t know anything about an IEP, so I didn’t really have any tools or information,” A recalls.
Problems started right away. From the very first week, A was called frequently to come in and calm her son.
A called FACT, who she’d heard about from her ESD case manager.
“I have no idea what to do,” she remembers telling Whitnie, one of our Support Specialists.
Whitnie gave her encouragement and pointed her to FACT’s toolkits and a self-paced course on special education. A went through that course with her son’s IEP beside her, comparing it line by line with what she was learning.
“Understanding the bones of it will make [me] a better advocate for [my] family,” A realized.
Then, in the winter, the school suspended R. A had still been walking into class at least weekly to calm her own child on the carpet. A called FACT again.
“How do I send my son to school when he’s not getting the support he needs?” she asked Karen, another Support Specialist.
Karen explained that R might benefit from a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA) and Behavior Intervention Plan (BIP). In simple terms, an FBA looks at why behavior happens, and a BIP is the plan to help. She and Karen also talked about Prior Written Notice (PWN), the written notice a school must give about its decisions. A then took our free self-paced course on FBAs.
“They’re really great tools because they’re user friendly,” A says.
A went to the next meeting and asked for an FBA and a BIP. The school agreed. But, with the FBA still underway, the school told A they also wanted to shorten R’s school day. A agreed, but only because she’d seen her son break down on the carpet day after day, crying “I don’t want to go, don’t make me go.” “It was really hard to send him when he was saying these things,” she recalls.
With a BIP finally in place as well as the shorter day, R became calmer and more confident for the rest of the school year. Then, before first grade, with Karen’s support, A set a boundary:
“Last year you were calling me every week,” she told the team.
“We’re doing our part. You need to do yours.” (“I said it nicer than that,” she adds.)
Everyone agreed not to call home.
But just eleven days into first grade, school leaders pulled A aside for an impromptu meeting.
R was refusing to do his work, they said, and they suggested a possible change in his placement.
A stopped the conversation, knowing her rights for PWN. She asked for a meeting to be scheduled and called Karen, who suggested A read through her son’s IEP again with his BIP and accommodations in mind.
“There’s no way that they’re following some of these,” A realized, “because if they were, he wouldn’t be having problems.”
Then, at the next meeting, the school shared that R had been physically aggressive several times. No one had told A. His daily communication log showed mostly smiley faces and a few vague notes. A handed the log to the behavior specialist:
“If you read [this log], would you think there was a problem?” The specialist agreed she would not.
A then read her parent input statement aloud. She wrote it with FACT’s template and had asked Karen to review it. She made clear that she would not discuss placement changes so early in the school year without proof that R’s BIP was being followed.
The team agreed to keep a more complete daily log and to implement the supports in his IEP and BIP.
Only three weeks later, R has made a complete turnaround. With supports in place, both his general education and special education teachers are building trust with him. And everyone agrees that they need to add time to his school day. “Because he needs to be at school,” A says.
“I have been able to work in a much more meaningful and productive way with my son’s school since talking to FACT,” A declares, “because I understand the inner workings of an IEP, FBA, and BIP.”
A is growing as an advocate and shares what she has learned with others. She attends her district’s Special Education Parent Advisory Council meetings, where she tells other parents about FACT. “It’s such a disservice to parents to not know that [support] is available,” she says. She is also part of FACT’s parent leadership program, supporting her passion for disability justice and inclusion. She wants a more welcoming world. “I feel like we should be further in 2026 than we are,” she says.
Her advice to other parents?
Use the free resources FACT offers.
Ask for data, because it should guide decisions about goals and placement.
Bring someone you trust to IEP meetings to take notes.
And be gentle with yourself.
“I left numerous IEP meetings and got in my car and cried. You’re not alone,” A says. “Don’t beat yourself up if your kid is struggling, because we’re all learning.”
This year, your gift helps make sure that when the next parent hears the words “placement change” just days into the school year, they know what to ask for, and who to call.
